1,200ish days

So – it’s been approximately 1,200 days since I posted anything here. I feel like that is indicative of how I mismanage my entire life – lots of procrastination and just a general lack of desire to do things I am not in the mood to do – including small talk, dusting furniture, and returning items to the store within the allotted time for a full refund.

However, many times (often many times a day) I have thoughts that I think need to be shared, such as “Why do people find it necessary to dispense half a can of air freshener when they poop? It doesn’t help, and I can feel all of those chemicals going right into my body. No thank you, I am suffocating.” We have got to crack down on workplace violence, people.

Anywho, trending topics like that, and other relevant information should be shared. Maybe Facebook or Twitter are more appropriate outlets, but I prefer this blog which I am very obviously highly dedicated to. Also, I feel like people have to read about my general disdain for other humans if I post it on Facebook. Most likely they are going to scroll past it, read it, and think that I am a real bwitch. On a blog, you have to come to me. You have to seek out my rantings, so it’s a little less invasive, I think. I don’t have a lot of friends (because, small talk) so it’s like picking up the phone and calling your BFF to complain about how the rest of the world has displeased you without actually having to pick up the phone and talk to anyone. It’s very one-sided, and that’s very me.

Speaking of random – below is an entry that I started, also about 1,200 days ago. I’m happy to report that said leg-licker now has a new home…because I was fostering him, not because I gave him away for licking my legs.

Willie ..cat.. recently woke me up on two separate occasions by licking my legs.
It was a persistent, unrelenting bath sesh that registered as pain once I realized what the hell was happening to me.
I had to make him stop because –
A. cats licking humans is weird, and
B. cats licking humans is abrasive

As you know, cats are known for their “I don’t f’ing care about you at all. I literally could not care less than I already do.” attitude. So I can’t even tell you how happy it makes me when they show me love, but I think he crossed the line.

So, to recap – I’m back for today, unleashing my issues with someone who has issues with air freshener, and letting you know that 3+ years ago a cat was licking my legs.

As usual, exciting things are happening around here.

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Taos and some weird things… man-bear, hot dogs, cute cat.

Lately I have been running across some odd things. Today I will spotlight a couple of those, hopefully leaving you as confused as I am.

If that sentence left you in suspense, please do stick around.
If you were not excited at all by the possibility of reading about some strange things I have encountered, then no need for you to be here. I will only disappoint you.

First of all, we just returned from a trip to Taos, New Mexico. I did not ski. I did not play in the snow. I did not ride a snowmobile or joyfully tube down Strawberry Hill. Everyone else had a lovely time on the mountain, but like many weird introverts, I preferred to be alone. I wandered around town for 2 glorious days. Taos really is a lovely place and while it is peppered with “tourist shops” overcharging for something that looks like something an artist might have created, there are also some really lovely, unique places. I met some weird people nice strangers, but failed to photograph them to be featured on my blog. Sorry, weird people.
We stayed in the most interesting/lovely/inviting vacation home I have ever stayed in. It was an old historic home, carefully restored and filled with charming furniture and art. Please consider staying here if you go to Taos, New Mexico. You will not be disappointed. (pictures of the masterpiece to come another day)
Beautiful Taos Territorial Home

Anywho…strange things await us.

Strange thing #1 –
Man-bear with a bodysuit, breasts and a penis. What does this mean? The rest of the art work displayed in the house was lovely (minus the big, big-nippled ladies hanging next to my bed). But man-bear was so odd…he really didn’t fit in. The entire painting was a little odd. Skeletons lounging on a couch. Man-bear (pictured below) looking awfully aggressive – maybe due to the identity crisis he was painted in to. Weird people faces on the walls…just an odd artistic expression. I didn’t know how to interpret it all. It was displayed in the kiva fireplace room and I was tempted to use it as kindling. But that’s mean and destruction of other people’s property and I am really nice. And it was a gas fireplace.
So, here he is. Confused man-bear.
CAM00000

Strange thing #2 –
Pantyhose full of hot dogs.
First, let me make it clear that I was not looking for pantyhose, hot dogs or any freaky combination of the two. I was searching for a dad holding a baby – stock image. Random, but with reason.
I really don’t know what to say about it. I really don’t understand who posed for this picture. Who came up with the idea. Who posted it on the internet. Who are these weird people who like hot dogs in pantyhose. It’s obscene, and I can never look at a hot dog the same way.
efd2399fb77e741b2ad5858259802b40

Is this too weird for y’all? I feel like it’s too weird. Hopefully no one thinks less of me for stumbling upon these weird things and then talking about them. Do you object to this discussion?

Maybe we have had enough weird for one day…
I will leave you with one of the millions of cat pictures turned into memes on the internet that fits the theme of this post.
I can’t not love this cat…I imagine you feel the same.
download

In case you are questioning your choice to read this blog and the cat didn’t change your mind, I will give you a list of things to come that may or may not make you want to come back for some more normal topics.
Things I may one day blog about.
A. Mexican Wedding Cookies – little, crunchy, powdered sugar heaven bites
B. Argentinian Tri-Tip – lemon, rosemary, char-grilled love
C. Other delicious recipes that have contributed to the circumference of my thighs.
D. Crafty things
E. Good books I have read
And many other riveting topics.

Until then, my friends……

2 Comments

Filed under Any subject matter you wish..., Food, Inspiration, Recipes, Uncategorized

1,000th Viewer Give-away!

Rejoice and Celebrate, y’all!! I am close to 1,000 views on this almost 7 month old blog. And while that may not mean much to you, it actually doesn’t mean much to me either 🙂
But,  in an effort to make this more meaningful to ALL of us – I propose a give-away!! My 1,000th viewer (keep in mind I have no way of tracking this) will receive exactly 1,000 virtual hugs (keep in mind you have no way of tracking this)  from the incredibly talented and charming writer of this blog. Don’t miss a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity like this…you’ll never forgive yourself.
Anywho – someone stake your claim as my 1,000th viewer and let the virtual hugging commence.

I think many people actually prefer pictures to words, and since this blog is really about showcasing a fabulous give-away, which has already been addressed, I will just leave you with a few pictures to eyeball.

2012-05-20 09.38.08
This is my horse friend that I found on my way home from visiting my Dad in College Station.

2013-08-31 11.44.42
Joyful, joyful football is over for now…Saturday mornings are mine again.

2012-07-14 03.13.50
If you have cats that like to sleep with you and you love it, don’t leave them out at night. They will disappear and no other cats will measure up.

2013-11-17 20.14.36
Nonsense.

Leave a comment

Filed under Any subject matter you wish...

Historically Plump…

{30}  I look back on pictures from just 2 short years ago and think “I’ve gotten plump…I want to be that size again.”

{28}  2 years ago, I looked back on pictures pre-Isaiah, 7 years ago, and think “I’ve gotten plump…I want to be that size again.”

{21}  7 years ago, I looked back on pictures 4 years before 7 years ago before 2 years ago and think “I’ve gotten plump…I want to be that size again.”

{17} And at age 17, I thought I was fat…

What can I say…I’ve always loved potatoes.

But on a serious note – love yourselves in the moment you are in. It will make your future trips down memory lane, back to this moment, a little more pleasant to remember.
And it’s really just about setting a goal, people – I still don’t love these thighs…

1 Comment

Filed under Uncategorized

I hope you missed me as much as I imagine you did…

Hello princes and princesses – essesses
It’s been a while. I’ve been……busy? I wouldn’t really classify my life as busy; maybe distracted is more fitting. And when I’m distracted, my brain can’t produce the proper wit needed to maintain a blog. But – TWO people have asked me about this ol’ girl and I realized I’m letting down about 1/269346298659265 of the world’s population. Deborah E. and Johnna H. – you matter. Anywho, they are 2 of my favorite people so I dedicate this moderate masterpiece to them.

I ran across this awful advertisement on Facebook that I have been meaning to share with someone. It’s basically an old banged up doll vagina. She’s advertising cellulite treatment. Somewhat creepy. And somewhat sad. Why do you want to make me feel bad, little naked doll? Reminding me that my robust thighs are cottage cheese legs for.ever. Of course some would suggest awful exercise, but hopefully the use of the word awful made my feelings towards exercise clear. Anywho. Cellulite treatment in Plano, y’all. They promise to fix your “flaws”.  I’ll stay plumpy and lumpy, much to my boyfriend’s chagrin delight.
celluliteblog
In other news, I have a furniture “issue” – I love to buy it. More than clothes and shoes and other girlish things. My house is currently arranged just so, so buying furniture for myself is really no longer an option…unless I purge first. So. I have started buying and refinishing for others. -The Curious Peacock- Maybe I’ll get fancy and post some tutorials for those who know even less than I do about making ugly furniture charming.

I like peacocks…they are mean but pretty.

My boyfriend tells me I should consider spending less money on furniture. He’s probably right, but I’ll never tell him that.

tcp business card

Speaking of my boyfriend…I’ve been moody lately. It’s just my lot in life, I suppose. She’s up, she’s down – she confuses the people around her. My boyfriend is a patient one….
Handsome couple. That girl is a real looker.
jvhs

I’m currently lounging in a bed surrounded by cats. 2 that are mine and 3 that I am fostering. I would strongly suggest that you reflect on Bob Barker’s advice and “Have your pets spayed or neutered.” There are a lot of orphaned babes out there…
Some days I come home to lamps turned-over, shredded paper, and just chaos in general, but they are so cute and charming (much like myself) that I can’t help but love them. Although…I do wish these sweet little fosters could find their soul mate family.
5cats

Isaiah plays football…feels like every day. It’s really just 4 days a week, but like I said…every.day. But he’s cute (much like myself) and he likes it. That’s my little 99, looking so handsome…with a cute bubble butt.
DSC_0383

That’s all for now. I’m surrounded by lovely people and animals. That should keep a girl out of a funk…….I’ll let you know when I back to being witty and fun. For now, it’s all in moderation…

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Fucking Fish Tacos – read me, then judge me if you must

1

A couple of things before we get to the meat of this post:

1. This is a recipe post for the most amazing fish tacos you will ever eat. I guarantee it.

2. You may wonder why I called them Fucking Fish Tacos. As a new blogger I am very tuned in to how many tens of readers I get. My busiest day, thus far, was pushing a whopping 90 visits and it was the day I used fuck in the title of my post. Today I choose to test a theory that good people may like seemingly bad things. If the previous occurrence was just an anomaly, fine, I’ll move on. If, once again, the usage of a tacky word increases my traffic, I will keep that in my pocket for consideration when developing future marketing plans…in case this whole blogger thing blows up beyond my most meager dreams.
I do have to reiterate what I shared in the previous fuck post. Curse words do not bother me at all unless they’re said with mean intentions. I know I have some gentle souls in my life that will be offended and I apologize for the offensive nature of such words. Just choose to love me the same as you did before you read this. It’s the right choice.

ok.

These are the items you need to find temporary happiness:

  • Some tilapia – depending on how many tacos and how full you want your tacos.
  • Cajun seasoning – anything spicy that you like.
  • Olive Oil and Butter
  • Corn tortillas – preferably from a Mexican market if you have one. Also if you have a Mexican boyfriend. My Mexican has to deal with regular, mass-produced corn tortillas because the Mexican market is not conveniently located. And, if we give them everything they want what do they have to work for. You know, the old “why buy the cow when milk is free” adage that your mother may or may not have shared with you, often, in your wild and wily teenage years. If you were a wild and wily teenager, that is.
  • Red cabbage, purple cabbage. Same difference.
  • Cilantro
  • Green Onions
  • Mayo, not Miracle Whip. I love MW, just not in this application.
  • Cholula – because no other pepper sauce will do. You could use Tabasco or whatever you prefer if you want to ruin the dish.
  • Sour cream – even if you don’t like it. You will like this. Another personal guarantee just like the recently fired founder and spokesperson for Men’s Warehouse, George Zimmer. And now I ask, have you bought a suit from Men’s Warehouse and did you like the way you looked?
  • 2 small limes
  • Chipotle pepper in adobo sauce – found in the Mexican aisle as the name would suggest.

Mexican Coleslaw – crispy, crunchy heaven.
I like to make my coleslaw first so it has time to get all sassy and saucy.
Usually when I make fish tacos I am only serving 2 people, one of which REALLY loves the coleslaw. You will just have to adjust accordingly because as a recipe sharer, I spare no details in communicating a precise recipe…
For my world:
1/2 head of red cabbage, chopped nice and skinny
2 green onions, chopped little and sqare-y
1 bunch of cliantro, chopped wild and untamed-ly
Get all that washed, dried (DRY) and mixed all together nice and proper.
Then in a separate bowl I take a dollop (1/2 cup?) of mayo, a good squeeze of a nice, juicy lime and some serious dashes of Cholula.
Mix, dip a pinky in (because it always seems like the cleanest finger) and taste. If you’re not gross like me, use a spoon to taste. And if you’re even less gross than the previous person who opted for a spoon, I imagine there will be no double dipping. Add more of whatever your heart desires…I almost always have to add more Cholula.
Toss your vegetable and herb goods in the mayo mix and season with salt and pepper to taste. Set aside and let all components adjust to their new life together.
2
Taco Sauce – an oxymoron…boldly proceed cautiously.
Because the fish cooks so quickly, I also go ahead and make my taco sauce that thrills me like no other taco sauce.

In a petite bowl, add a dollop of sour cream smaller than the previous dollop of mayo. Again, very precise things happening here. This next step really depends on your heat tolerance. I usually add about 2 Tbsp of the sauce from the can of Chipotles in Adobo Sauce and then 1 finely chopped pepper. This is muy caliente so use sparingly! In addition to being an accomplished chef, I speak Spanish fluently as shown above. On occasion I will add a little squirt of lime to brighten the sauce up. Just like the rest of this recipe – everything to taste. Mix and put in the refrigerator while you work your fish.
Tilapia – a fish growing up eating other fish’s poop.
I am sure you can use many other varities for this recipe but my fish knowledge is limited, which contradicts my previous claims of accomplished chef. I like a nice meaty fillet of tilapia. Usually for the me and the mister (boyfriend) I will buy about 3 or 4 medium-size fillets.
I season them heavily with Tony’s on both sides. In a cast iron or non-stick skillet, add a splash of olive oil and a pretty pat of butter. Real butter. Once that is nice and hot, carefully add your fish. Remember all these things that other people have said – place fish carefully and let the final flop face away from you so a pop of oil doesn’t mar your perfectly pretty face, don’t crowd the pan, don’t flip the fish until the fish is ready to be flipped, etc. etc. And don’t fret, broken fish happens. Cook until fish is firm and has a lovely crusty look about it.
3

Tortillas – my inability to make these from scratch makes me sad and adds even more doubt to my claims of accomplished chef.
Basically, heat them however you wish…in a hot pan with a little oil for a crispier taco, in the microwave for a soft, floppy taco or just in a hot pan for neither crispy nor floppy tacos.

And now, construction.
Tortilla
Smear of taco sauce
Seriously tasty fish
Coleslaw on top
Avocado, previously unmentioned due to being the only optional ingredient I will allow in this recipe.

4

 

The End.
Bow, exit stage.
Encore, encore.
Return to stage, bow, exit quickly.
Always leave them wanting more.

1 Comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Paper Decorations – A dream brought to fruition

I really enjoy paper decorations. There’s a charm about the delicate nature of paper, and paper decorations are just so swirly and whimsical. I see pictures where darling little children have darling little parties complete with darling little flowerballpuffs and I am tainted with jealous thoughts. I did have a little soiree with Halloween shapes but they just didn’t radiate the soft, flow-y, billowy paper goodness that has been missing from my life. Those were cardstock and I pine for tissue paper.

Determined to add this feminine flare to Isaiah’s Birthday Breakfast, I embarked on a journey looking for DIY paper decorations. For the record, nine-year-old boys are not wowed by a mother’s lovingly created paper puffs. But I enjoyed them and that’s all that matters when planning a birthday breakfast for the boy. What does mother enjoy? Were mother’s desires met? Yes? Successful party, then.
Anywho…I found a blog detailing the steps to make a lovely paper puff, easy enough for someone with as little gracefulness as I possess. I was even able to execute this project paired with a glass of wine. Basically I am recreating that lady’s post, but with more pizzazz. She didn’t entertain me but she got the job done. Here on my blog, I do entertain me and I will also get the job done. I will include her link because some of you may enjoy her delivery more than mine and I’m not a blog hog – I am willing to share the fame and admiration that a blogger is certain to receive. As a new blogger with 4 whole posts, the spotlight is bright and blinding but worth every key stroke.

Let’s begin.
You will need these items:
A plethora of tissue paper
Scissors
Fishing wire or curling ribbon or thread or something similar
A glass of wine
No cats in the vicinity to cause harm to above referenced tissue paper

First, I’ll need to let you know that this blog is being written in hindsight. I already made the puffs so I dug crumpled paper out of my wrapping-stuff to demonstrate. Also, before you think I have a tacky table – that’s an antique. 100 years old…she has earned all those dings and spots. Just let her be…

Now that we’ve addressed our table insecurities, let’s discover a world of happiness…

Take 6-8 stacked sheets and lay them out flat. Disregarding the fold lines (crumples) already creasing the paper, start folding 2″ sections, accordion style. Then take really nice pictures like these…

2

Once you have crafted your tissue paper accordion, cut it in half. Loosely secure the middle of your halves with whatever tying material you selected, leaving enough string to hang your masterpiece at the desired level. I don’t think this needs further explanation but just in case…if you want to hang your paper puff 2′ from the ceiling, tie your string around the paper and snip it 2′ beyond your knot.

Next, use your scissors to round the edges. You are left with these little triangle confetti pieces that can be a messy nuisance. They are not part of this delicacy and I urge you to dispose of them before cats or a breezy fan draft blows them onto the floor. There’s nothing enjoyable about picking up little pieces of paper from the floor.

IMG_0449[1]

Fan out the folds. Gently pull out the paper. Fluff. Puff. Separate.

6

And that’s it. Your paper decoration dreams are realized and your friends and family will finally understand your value in this world. I imagine you could get really snazzy with multi-colored puffs, and that’s just fine. I encourage you to cut loose and earn your friends’ acceptance as well.

Once you’re all done, just throw them in the floor and watch the wild animals attack…
9

And now you may have this: Another lady’s guide to doing this very same project, from 2009. I’m 4 years behind.

Leave a comment

Filed under Any subject matter you wish..., Inspiration, Uncategorized